real talk

Honestly these days have been great to me. These years, and months I couldn't be more Thanful for. Ive learned so much within my senior year than I have throughout my entire high school career, thats a bit sad I know.
 My next step is college. Its scary to know that I will be on my very own, I think I will be okay im just worried. I will meet new people and have a fresh start and I am excited.
I will miss all those familiar faces but honestly Inot that much. I will miss coming home to the house I have lived in for 7 years. I will miss being comfortable.
Its time to start busting out of my shell and expanding my social life.
 Im ready for this, and I can do it.
Real talk.

I Remember:

I remember when my brother told me to have a good day, and I did.
I remember running around with both my brothers wearing 5 pairs of underwear on top of my head.
I remember the first dog I ever had;  Rosco.
I remember when I first met my niece, she brought life to everyone.
I remember when I danced.
I remember my first day of junior high, I will never forget the outfits I would wear with the purple pants.
I remember the worse day of my life.

I remember my aunt.
I remember the pure chaos of the world, and how it all stopped suddenly.
I remember my best friends.
I remember being young, and feeling young.
I remember what I wanted to be when I grew up. Completely opposite of what I want to do now.

I remember the first time I got my goldfish.
I remember watching Lizzie Mcguire and Thats So Raven.
I remember my first nightmare; the ghost that popped out of the dryer.
I remember wanting to grow up, now I regret it.
I remember when my brother told me he loved me, I wonder if he knows how much of an impact that made on my life.
I remember when my parents told me how proud of me they were for going to college.
I remember being proud of myself.

Newspaper Blackout

Tulips:

I keep your true colors, it's tough but beautiful. 

Roots:

Fires do good for the root.

Time: 

It's emotional, the years express themselves to teach us who was there. 

Mask:

You probably mask pain. Let me tell you something, you come through to me.

Stars:

Bowing to the stares, the stars whispered-"release your inner happiness." 

I sleep:

I sleep sitting on the crash. 

Okay With It

The other day, during lunch, I was sitting in a hallway by myself. Just alone, lonely, and quiet.

          I was okay with that. 

Hearing the chit-chat from the loudest voices to just the slightest whispers around the corner. 

My Ipod was dead, and my headphones were all tangled.

        

 I was okay with that.

I wrote in my journal, about 4 pages.

Throwing my thoughts out, left and right, on lined white paper. Anything, and everything that I could possibly think of. 

A young man walked passed me and said- "Hello" 

"Hello..." I responded shyly with a smile of shock, with a little touch of awkward, from the rare niceness.

"Your smile, wow, its beautiful." He said.

"Thank you." I said.

I accepted the compliment and, 

I was okay with that. 

Instructions

How to be happy:

1. Wake up at whatever time pleases you.
2. Turn on your favorite movie, or favorite music and turn up the volume, then jump into the shower.
3. While getting dressed, say 2 positive things about yourself. (It may not sound like much, but those 2 things could change your entire day.)
4. Do your hair
5. Smile at yourself in the mirror
6. Put on your favorite kind of shoes.
7. Feed your goldfish.
8. Kiss your dogs good-bye
9. Hug your mother. 
10. Get into your car,start the engine, and drive to get yourself some iced tea.
11. Come home, get shit taken care of. 
12. Get your 9 hours
13. Sleep

How to be unhappy:

1. Sleep in, so you are late, having to rush getting ready.
2. Listen to the panic of your heart, beating so fast from the stress, thanks to step 1. 
3. Look in the mirror and say 10 bad things you think about yourself.
4. Don't brush your hair, just throw it into a pony tail.
5. Pick whatever shoes are convenient.
6. Feed your goldfish later...
7. 8-9, (how to be happy) you cant do because you have to run out the door which makes your day even worse. 
8. Forgot your keys, run inside, get into the car, start the engine, no tea for you slacker.
9. Go home and procrastinate, as well as whine to your mother about why the day was so bad.
10. Get your 6 hours
11. Worry about the next day...no sleep for you. 

Pfft. 

I sit by flowers that never get watered.

Just Checkin

Hey guys I was just wondering how my blogs are doing? 

I don't know if they are too weird or way too personal. I know the last couple have been. 

I hope that my swearing doesn't offend some of you, but I feel the need to swear to get to my point across.

Mr Nelson if you are reading this, please comment on it. I really feel as though if you comment on it, its like I won a gold star.

As well as my classmates please let me know on comments as well. I feel like I am doing some what okay? 

I look at my comments from people a whole bunch, and it makes me feel good. 

I will start commenting on more people's blogs as well. 

Thank you for reading my blogs errrbody...

Just checkin,,, 

(: 

Jealousy

I am jealous of this person:
"Happiness is when we fall in love
with that one you know is right
Happiness is that feeling we had
when we learned to fly a kite
Happiness is a cool, cool breeze
on a warm and sunny day

Happiness is when the kid next door
always asks us out to play
Even though back in the day those kids would bug me... I sure do miss it. 
Happiness is when you're by yourself
and there's no one else around
Yep.
Happiness is when you played hide and seek
and you were never, ever found.
Happiness is that moment in time
when we start to fall asleep
Happiness is an amazing feeling
That you'll do anything to keep
My favorite part of this poem.
I love to be within this realm
of cheerful happiness
'Cause it's full of delight, exuberance and joy
mixed with pleasure, rapture and bliss "

Roger Horsch

Rain

There is a beautiful rain storm this afternoon 

 I can hear the individual raindrops hitting my bedroom window. 

The wind sounds like its going to blow my house away. 

Six blankets stacked on top of me, wrapped around my toes, and pulled up to my nose. 

 I am perfectly content right now....

Except momma just called, 

lunch is ready. 

The Moon

I haven't seen you in what feels like a century

I have nothing to talk to besides the moon, it doesn't talk back, it just stares.

It watches me sleep and hugs me with its light.  

I miss you

I miss your morning calls, and voice mail messages telling me to "have a good day pumpkin". 

I know you are happy with them, but I need to see you.

I am heading off to college soon, and with your disease I won't be able to hear you say-

"I love you." 

That needs to be heard on days like these...not to sound selfish.

I need to see the person who gave me a beating heart.  

I love you 

I love you because your blood runs through my bloodstream.

And that is what's keeping me whole. 

What you don't know, you do now.

I blow dry my hair on the warm setting.
I'm awkward when people cry, I want to hug them, but tell them to quit trying to talk, because they sound like a whale. 
I get annoyed when people sing songs at their best, because I sound awful regardless compared to them.
I don't like when people sing to me, and grab my hand to use it as a microphone. 
I love all colors even brown, mainly because no one likes it .
Any insect that flies scares me.
I love going on road trips, especially when the gas stations restrooms are kept neat and tidy. 
I love clean bathrooms.
I hate swimming in pools, but love swimming in lakes.
I feel like when I am parked and just sitting in my car, people think I am doing drugs or something.
I always feel watched, or someone is looking over my shoulder. 
I get really hot easily, but I need to be covered in blankets to feel safe. 
I use to be terrified of police officers when I was younger....
- I was eating a corn dog one time, and saw a police officer drive past, and I started crying and ran into my house thinking that he thought I stole the corn dog.....but now I like them because of all that they do to keep me safe. 
I can't eat mint gum when I am hungry, it puts me in a bad mood, being hungry regardless makes me angry. 
I love black coffee
I am clumsy, and always fall, even in my dreams, I wake up in a panic.
I paint my nails almost everyday more than once.
I am smart, but feel dumb.
I am paranoid. 
I always feel like I am late, but I am always an hour early. 
My tummy hurts
I can't pee if there are people in the bathroom and its quiet. 
That's all I can think of right now. 

Space Camp

"Remember you're never too old to go to space camp"

When I was 5, I would always buy anything pink and princess like. 

I wanted to be a princess; it freaking never happened.

I am still silly old Isla, in black clothing and simplicity. 

I wish that they had applications for becoming a princess as a job or something, but no. 

 I think about it a lot, I don't really want to be one, now I realize that being a princess is nothing like you see on Disney. 

Gah. 

When I was 10, I wanted to be a cosmetologist, that word was hard for me to say, so I just called it a "make-up lady".  I loved the thought of looking beautiful, and making other people looking more beautiful than they already are. I loved the thought of learning how to cut hair and do nails. I loved thought of looking like a "princess" I suppose.

When I was 15 I wanted to be a psychologist. During that time we had some issues in my family, I never talked to any of my friends about it, because I didn't know if they would understand, or I guess care.

During that time was when my self esteem plummeted. I was down in the slumps, and never wanted to look at my self. I was embarrassed of my own face, and own freaking body. I started seeing a psychologist, I can never thank her enough for talking to me about  these issues. I can't say I still don't have bad self-esteem issues, because I do, but I definitely have gotten to a more positive place in my life. I wanted to help everyone like how she helped me.

  Now I am 17. What the hell am I supposed to do now. 

Creativity-gone

    Interests-gone

Motivation-gone

Just kidding. 

I want to be a veterinarian.

Tattoos

Mom, I love your butterfly tattoo. 
you used your kids favorite colors to fill it in, and a nice story to complete it. 
I love the quote on your forearm, "You are something special".
            I wish you kept that in mind. 
The 6 birds on your ribs representing your sisters and brother. 
I am glad you want to get a tattoo with me, on my 18th birthday.
I am looking forward to that day. 
Thank you for all the lessons you teach me, and being my hero. 
I hate being away from you, whether you are on vacation or I am at school. Doesn't matter I hate it. 
I want to be you when I grow up. 
I love you.
                     
Dad, I love your tiki man tattoo, and how you got the idea from a sticker. 
How you have my brothers, my sister, and my name on your forearm; my name was almost removed due to the motorcycle accident you were in, leaving a big scar by it. 
How you designated your left arm for us kids and our ideas to tattoo. 
The bull dog on your calf, representing you being in the marine core..
I hate your infinity symbol on your ring finger, and I dislike who its directed towards.
I hate that you have her name on your forearm as well. 
I wish I saw you more, but I hope you are happy with that person I hardly know. 
Its kind of ironic that there is a scar by my name, because this situation is scarring me emotionally. 
I miss going over to your house every other day, but for now moms is where I will stay. 
I love you. 






(I am sorry I know its personal.)

Death

Dear Grim Reaper,
You have taken some people in my life, you will do it again eventually. Asshole. 
You have scared me tremendously
You have wounded me with your blade
You have scarred me a great deal.
You aren't human, you are a monster
I want you gone, no exceptions. 
Because of you Grim, I have nightmares, nightmares about the way you took the people I love.
You are toxic in my mind. 
One of these days I will meet you, I am dreading each step I take.
How dare you bring that worry into my life,
How dare you? 
You have almost taken away many important peoples lives, who I care about more than anything. 
They have seen you face to face, and say you aren't very "good looking".
So, let that sink in a bit. 
On the other hand...
I do have to thank you Mr Reaper, 
Thank you for giving my grandma and aunt a chance to no longer feel pain.
Thank you for the lesson you gave to my loved ones, and friends who have seen you, now they don't want to look at you again. 
Its hard to say thanks...
I still hate you. 
    -Sincerely
                     Isla Kirie 

You're weird, but I accept you friend.

I met you in class one day friend.
You were loud, I was quiet.
You were intimidating and I was just there...
We had a class together the next year friend.
I grew out of my awkward quiet shell, you grew out of your loudness, kinda.
Somehow we became friends.
Best friends.
Our weirdness was like a magnet. We laughed until our bellies hurt, and had deep discussions when we needed to.
Sleepovers- "Shhhhhh, or the lady will get you!"
Inside jokes, like that, make no sense even to us. Our friendship is filled with laughter, every time we are together we laugh about air.
I guess you can say we are our own kind of mature.
 But now we have to start following after society's definition of maturity.
Get jobs, prepare for college, decide what you want out of life, and whatever else hell has to offer.
Our lives are leading in different directions, and is hard for us both to swallow.
 Its not the end of the world though.
I am appreciating the time I have right now keeping busy.
I miss you though.
I'll see you soon friend.

Fear

I have a lot of fear in my system.

Fear: A substantial amount of scared. 

I wake up scared, take showers scared, blow dry my hair scared, I walk into my pitch black garage scared shitless. I walk in the hallway scared, sit down in class scared, drive scared, eat dinner scared, go to sleep...still scared. 

I welcome fear into my life like it has its own key, to my mind.

Its the annoying neighbors annoying dog, with the annoying bark. 

I fear natural disasters

I fear feeling vulnerable 

I fear bad guys

I fear losing my dad

I fear illness                                      

I fear the unknown.

I fear white.

I fear black.

I fear bad days

The hell with being afraid. 

You make me smile

I adore you.
I adore the way you look at me while driving
the way you never fail to ask me how my day is.
You are the definition of a beautiful person.
A character stronger than anyone I know.
I look up to you.
I look up to the fact that you work so hard, and stay so calm.
I love our shopping days, and how we shop at the same stores.
The way we bicker about what we want to eat, but always end up going to the same place we went to 3 days before.
The way you speak is so perfect. Your voice, and vocabulary is music to my ears.
Your music in variation.
How we are singing along to a song, then you all of a sudden change it to the next one.
The way your hair curls, and how you look when you smile. My lord I love that smile.
Thank you for being the one to sit there and listen to me while I rant over how stressed I am.
I love the days when we are both happy, until we both get hungry.
You are just so cute.
You make me smile.
<3

Bricks

Its dark out. 
You are laying in the park, with nothing but forgetful dreams and black tears. 
You are cold and alone, counting the endless stars.
Wishing you could be up there instead of down below. 
You feel a weight added upon your chest.
A weight that is never ending.
A ten ton brick, a brick called sadness.
It adds and then multiplies, everything building up inside.  
Cringing, and struggling, you want to stand.
Get the damn brick off of you.
Why don't you?

                                                                                                                       Because you are stubborn.

You are frightened.

You want to feel, but sadness is all you know.

Once you realize those bricks that have held you down for so long, are light as a feather

Feathers called happiness.

You will be laying in the park, with nothing but dreams and tears of joy.

Wishing you can take back all those wishes.

Once you realize the positive in yourself, those bricks can no longer hurt you. 

After all...

They don't say "you are strong" for nothing. 

Tissues.

Colds.

I have a box of tissues in my bedroom, on my night stand.

For some reason I forget that they are there.

I have  a cold right now.

I decide to use toilet paper, to blow my  nose instead of tissues.

Above my lip burns as if I put habanero  pepper juice on as lip gloss.

.The tissues have been sitting there for a year. 

Still full of tissues.

Before I even got the tissues, I wished that I had them. Now that I have them I don't use them. 

What the hell Isla...

What the hell.

Tears.

When I cry, I use tissues no problem.

Not the tissues in my room though. 

I run upstairs to the living room, where there is a box of tissues on the little coffee table.

That one is now empty. 

What the hell Isla...

What the hell.

Different

i like being different. i like standing out. 

Let me misspell ...TRIANCHULA....TARANCHULA...TARANTULA. let me draw a sun that looks stoned, in peace.

please don't judge me judgers. 

if you do, i suppose that's fine. 

i'm just showing you the weird, awkward side of me. i don't normally show it. 

its different.  

I drew this a couple weeks ago.

 I

     think 

I was

CONFUSED?

Thats not different for me though. 

"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches. "

-Dita Von Teese.

                          

Fail

I get itchy when I am stressed.

I am itchy right now. 

Why am I stressed? Because I don't know what to say in this blog post.

I could write about a goldfish?

I could write about a white picket fence?

I could write about dull red colored pencils?

But no. I am dull myself. 

I can't create something artsy out of those things.Or maybe I could, but it would be off the charts weird. 

Truth is I could write about a ton of things, but I just don't know if I should keep it to myself.

I don't know if this should be my journal, where I open up completely about my every thought, or if I should keep that for my journal hidden in my underwear drawer.

I don't know if I was getting anywhere with this... I started it, then stopped, take a look. 

Moldy flowers

I have flowers in my room.

Flowers from past school dances.

Flowers from boys who wanted to show they care.

Flowers from my parents, after dance recitals.

these flowers are now sitting in the corner in my room, dying away. Dying like the memories.... 

Epic fail. Rest in peace to these words that have no life or impact in them. 

I guess it was a good start to something, I just feel boring, therefore I didn't want to continue with that. 

I admire those of you in Paris. I admire the fact that you are able to make your words art. I admire that  you can share things from your brain, and have it be beautiful.

Thank you for your beautiful typed words.

I will come around, I am still in the airport to get to Paris, the flight is just delayed. 

-Isla Kirie 

LOVE

If you are hoping for the definition of love here, please make your own. 

Mine is still pending.

Also trying to explain it gives me a migraine. 

I am as confused as you are.

I almost said "I love you," to him tonight. 

I almost did. I was so close. So close in fact that "I-" slipped off my tongue. A quick, "I-iiii can't wait to see you tomorrow," was my way to escape. 

Saying those three simple words would make me feel too vulnerable. 

Why couldn't I say it?

I felt ready, but is love something you need to be prepared for?

Damn.

I 

Like

yOu

Very

E....much

You

wOnderful

hUman...

...Is basically what love stands for, if you think about it. 

Simple right?

No way, crazy.

I say I love you to my family, and best friends, so why on earth can't I say it to you? 

 You wonderful human.

You are just there, not judging, just being you, with those eyes. 

That's what I love about you. 

Saying "I love you," is not like counting to 3, unless its to your family. Saying it to your significant other however,  is like counting to a billion; difficult. Just stop at 1. 

My heart and brain have been in competition with one another. I think that they are in a tie. 

Not only does my heart want to say I love you, but my brain as well.

So, that's cool I guess. 

-Isla Kirie

Laugh about it silly, its good for you.

Wake up each day and know you made it to the next one.

Giggle at the smallest things, laugh about dropping your phone on your face. With all your might fully force a laugh so powerful when you stumble over your feet, even if your are embarrassed, laugh silly its good for you. Laughing is positive, in fact, so positive, people can  see an array of light. The light is so bright, that it makes them happy as well. What an amazing thing, to have such power in your face. 

We don't laugh as much as we should. I do believe if we actually laughed out loud, the world can make it through an apocalypse. Truth. 

Crayons

I miss being young.

I miss the pulling of my hair from the lavender purple brush, the struggle my parents went through to get my hair brushed.

I miss getting called from the playground, to come get a bologna sandwich. There was just something about having lunch without knowing it was lunch time. Time really does fly when you’re having fun.

The way I would wake up in my bed, even though I clearly fell asleep on the floor.

How losing a tooth was the best thing that could ever happen to you. I couldn’t wait for the tooth fairy.

I miss my floor being covered with furry stuffed animals and Barbie dolls.  

I miss the free lip gloss.

Getting ready for afternoon preschool was always fun. Mom would be at work, and dad would braid my hair. I felt like a princess.

I wish I could go back to my creativity, it wasn’t disturbed from all the many things that you notice when you are older.

I miss blasting Enya with my mom, and pretending we were ballerinas.

I miss when crying was over someone not sharing, not over emotions and shit.

Learning things was never stressful; I just appreciated being surrounded by kids my age to play with.

When Kool-Aid, was THE drink to drink.

When the opposite sex had “Cooties”.

I miss when the family spent time together; we are now starting to drift; college, marriage, etc.  

I miss when strangers would complement me with the, “she is so cutes’”.

Oh, how much I miss when the tests were as simple as 1+1.

Now I am 17.

Life has a way to just freak me the hell out. I guess I am excited for what the future has in store, but until then….life will just stay a mystery.

Let me be young again, give me some damn crayons. 

Just happy is all...

I really wish that I could be deep on this post, deep meaning: big words,  sentence structures longer than each thoughts life span. But I just can't get myself to do so.

Today I woke up excited, refreshed and enthused. 

I'm happy.

Well I mean, I guess you could say I am happy a lot, but today I just want to give my happy thoughts extra attention.

Happiness is a power that I think people are afraid of. 

For some reason we like to focus on negativity just to say that we feel. 

I do that often. 

I wish I had the answers as to why, but oh well. 

Being happy doesn't necessarily have to mean that you smile all day everyday, or that you compliment everyone on their shoes (in my opinion). It means a variety of other things.
 Everyone's definition of happiness is different. 
My definition I can't really explain, but I am feeling pure bliss today. 
Here is a list of some things that put a smile on my face:
Waking up on time/cold glass of water/ pretty teeth/ burps/nail polish/laughable laughs/money/shopping/grades above a b/ goldfish/ whales/ ocean/awesome ass handshakes/ nice people/ oranges/ strawberries/ mountains/ Seattle/ music: all kinds/ looking back at birthday cards/ writing thank you cards/ charging my phone/ painting/ making strangers laugh/dogs/ cats/ birds/ new shoes/ groceries/ food that looks exactly like the advertisements/ when other people like a song I show them/ receiving Build-a-Bears/ Christmas morning/ 4th of July/ boating/ water/ good hair days/ I wonder if you are still reading if so...lets continue/ Happy vibes from people/ hugs/ new deodorant/ cool names/ donating blood/ adopting animals/ new blankets/ completed homework/ just the right amount of chew in chewy cookies/ sandwiches that take way too much effort/ flowers/ random notes/ cleaning my car/ cleaning my room/ taking pictures/ coloring/ rings/ rain/ snow/ heat/ long lasting conversations/ tea/ socks/trips/ success/ mall/teal/ 
You get it I am sure. Well have a good day everyone i'm going to go paint my nails now. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgKslXz30U0

Humans

Negatives on being human:

Humans are complicated. Oh so very complicated, filled with mixed emotions & mixed signals that make absolutely no sense. 

We hate being sad, but sometimes that's all we have to look forward to.

We have terrible awful days. Days that are so unbearable we have to put everything on pause.

We sit in our rooms thinking of all the reasons why we are upset, fueling the fire. 

Being human means we have feelings that can't be explained, words that can't be taken back, and fears bigger than dreams.

We cry until our tear ducts crisp, until our faces swell, and our eyes become bloodshot.

We have barriers around  the very core of our feelings.  

 Being human is a job, a full time job that had no interview, and the pay freaking sucks. 

We enjoy company, but would prefer to be alone.

We have talents that are unseen or heard. 

We choose intimidation over trying. 

We love and expect our hearts to stay whole.

Both Positive and negative pasts define us, which is completely okay.

We make plans with friends, then cancel.

No one can agree on anything

We take great offense to the stupidest things. 

Being human actually has a lot of positives:

We have laughs that are contagious, and smiles that can brighten a day. 

We have moments where happy thoughts cluster and you want to hug everything, even a cloud.

We are sympathetic towards others and care to help.

Relating makes friends, making friends is always fun.

We may be awkward as hell, but we sure are exciting.

Humans can suffer through some pretty traumatic situations and still manage to be positive and share with others.

Gahhh, there are way too many positives of being a human, but hopefully you guys get the point of where I am going with this. 

Even though we have a lot of reasons to be sad, we have so many more reasons to be happy. 

Everyone holds power in their smile.

If someone asks you, "if you could have any super power what would it be?" definitely say to smile and change the world. Or flying I guess.  

I don't make sense. 

Sincerely a human

Isla Kirie

                                             

Introduction

 I find it hard to talk about myself in front of an audience, but I will make an effort to do so. 
Some say I am quiet, some say i'm kind, most assume i'm passive. I'm not.                                                                                       My mind is loud loUD LOUD. 
                                      Over analyzing anything and everything is one of my many talents. 
                                      In fact,a gold medal should be arriving on my door step soon.   
Thinking makes me anxious, thinking about being anxious makes me anxious.
                                               Saying sorry is a comfort.
                                                             SORRY.
Looking out a window, wishing I was exploring nature, or sitting by a lake, thinking. Thinking about anything. Anything besides having conversations with acquaintances to impress,
 is a comfort. 

 Awkward small talk makes me awkward. C'mon, We both know you couldn't care less about how my weekend was, you just want to be with your friends, cracking jokes, and catching up on the latest, "he said, she said".  
                                                                  I get it. 
                                         I would much rather be doing the same.
                                                              SORRY.
                                                           
                                       .........................................................

                                                           But uh, hey!
                                      on a more positive note, my name is Isla Kirie.
                                                            Hi again!
 I like friendly people, and a nice rain storm once in a while.
 Long walks on harsh rocks, and slippery terrain, is my favorite.
 Long talks about life in general keeps me motivated.
 Motivated for what?
                                                          I don't know.
                                                          Life I guess?  
I usually don't have the answers or responses people are use to:
"What do people not know about you?"
I hold road grudges
I get offended easily from facial expressions
I contradict myself, over what I want for a snack. 
I suppose that is what makes me different right? 

I like a smile from society now and then, with everyone's faces in their phones, you don't see it very often.  
I am not the rebellious type, but one time I parked my car sideways in the drive way. 
                                                             SORRY. 
 I can't wait to explore my thoughts with everyone, be prepared for a deep story with tons of typos;
                                                    
                            

                                                             SORRY.