Rain

There is a beautiful rain storm this afternoon 

 I can hear the individual raindrops hitting my bedroom window. 

The wind sounds like its going to blow my house away. 

Six blankets stacked on top of me, wrapped around my toes, and pulled up to my nose. 

 I am perfectly content right now....

Except momma just called, 

lunch is ready. 

The Moon

I haven't seen you in what feels like a century

I have nothing to talk to besides the moon, it doesn't talk back, it just stares.

It watches me sleep and hugs me with its light.  

I miss you

I miss your morning calls, and voice mail messages telling me to "have a good day pumpkin". 

I know you are happy with them, but I need to see you.

I am heading off to college soon, and with your disease I won't be able to hear you say-

"I love you." 

That needs to be heard on days like these...not to sound selfish.

I need to see the person who gave me a beating heart.  

I love you 

I love you because your blood runs through my bloodstream.

And that is what's keeping me whole. 

What you don't know, you do now.

I blow dry my hair on the warm setting.
I'm awkward when people cry, I want to hug them, but tell them to quit trying to talk, because they sound like a whale. 
I get annoyed when people sing songs at their best, because I sound awful regardless compared to them.
I don't like when people sing to me, and grab my hand to use it as a microphone. 
I love all colors even brown, mainly because no one likes it .
Any insect that flies scares me.
I love going on road trips, especially when the gas stations restrooms are kept neat and tidy. 
I love clean bathrooms.
I hate swimming in pools, but love swimming in lakes.
I feel like when I am parked and just sitting in my car, people think I am doing drugs or something.
I always feel watched, or someone is looking over my shoulder. 
I get really hot easily, but I need to be covered in blankets to feel safe. 
I use to be terrified of police officers when I was younger....
- I was eating a corn dog one time, and saw a police officer drive past, and I started crying and ran into my house thinking that he thought I stole the corn dog.....but now I like them because of all that they do to keep me safe. 
I can't eat mint gum when I am hungry, it puts me in a bad mood, being hungry regardless makes me angry. 
I love black coffee
I am clumsy, and always fall, even in my dreams, I wake up in a panic.
I paint my nails almost everyday more than once.
I am smart, but feel dumb.
I am paranoid. 
I always feel like I am late, but I am always an hour early. 
My tummy hurts
I can't pee if there are people in the bathroom and its quiet. 
That's all I can think of right now. 

Space Camp

"Remember you're never too old to go to space camp"

When I was 5, I would always buy anything pink and princess like. 

I wanted to be a princess; it freaking never happened.

I am still silly old Isla, in black clothing and simplicity. 

I wish that they had applications for becoming a princess as a job or something, but no. 

 I think about it a lot, I don't really want to be one, now I realize that being a princess is nothing like you see on Disney. 

Gah. 

When I was 10, I wanted to be a cosmetologist, that word was hard for me to say, so I just called it a "make-up lady".  I loved the thought of looking beautiful, and making other people looking more beautiful than they already are. I loved the thought of learning how to cut hair and do nails. I loved thought of looking like a "princess" I suppose.

When I was 15 I wanted to be a psychologist. During that time we had some issues in my family, I never talked to any of my friends about it, because I didn't know if they would understand, or I guess care.

During that time was when my self esteem plummeted. I was down in the slumps, and never wanted to look at my self. I was embarrassed of my own face, and own freaking body. I started seeing a psychologist, I can never thank her enough for talking to me about  these issues. I can't say I still don't have bad self-esteem issues, because I do, but I definitely have gotten to a more positive place in my life. I wanted to help everyone like how she helped me.

  Now I am 17. What the hell am I supposed to do now. 

Creativity-gone

    Interests-gone

Motivation-gone

Just kidding. 

I want to be a veterinarian.

Tattoos

Mom, I love your butterfly tattoo. 
you used your kids favorite colors to fill it in, and a nice story to complete it. 
I love the quote on your forearm, "You are something special".
            I wish you kept that in mind. 
The 6 birds on your ribs representing your sisters and brother. 
I am glad you want to get a tattoo with me, on my 18th birthday.
I am looking forward to that day. 
Thank you for all the lessons you teach me, and being my hero. 
I hate being away from you, whether you are on vacation or I am at school. Doesn't matter I hate it. 
I want to be you when I grow up. 
I love you.
                     
Dad, I love your tiki man tattoo, and how you got the idea from a sticker. 
How you have my brothers, my sister, and my name on your forearm; my name was almost removed due to the motorcycle accident you were in, leaving a big scar by it. 
How you designated your left arm for us kids and our ideas to tattoo. 
The bull dog on your calf, representing you being in the marine core..
I hate your infinity symbol on your ring finger, and I dislike who its directed towards.
I hate that you have her name on your forearm as well. 
I wish I saw you more, but I hope you are happy with that person I hardly know. 
Its kind of ironic that there is a scar by my name, because this situation is scarring me emotionally. 
I miss going over to your house every other day, but for now moms is where I will stay. 
I love you. 






(I am sorry I know its personal.)

Death

Dear Grim Reaper,
You have taken some people in my life, you will do it again eventually. Asshole. 
You have scared me tremendously
You have wounded me with your blade
You have scarred me a great deal.
You aren't human, you are a monster
I want you gone, no exceptions. 
Because of you Grim, I have nightmares, nightmares about the way you took the people I love.
You are toxic in my mind. 
One of these days I will meet you, I am dreading each step I take.
How dare you bring that worry into my life,
How dare you? 
You have almost taken away many important peoples lives, who I care about more than anything. 
They have seen you face to face, and say you aren't very "good looking".
So, let that sink in a bit. 
On the other hand...
I do have to thank you Mr Reaper, 
Thank you for giving my grandma and aunt a chance to no longer feel pain.
Thank you for the lesson you gave to my loved ones, and friends who have seen you, now they don't want to look at you again. 
Its hard to say thanks...
I still hate you. 
    -Sincerely
                     Isla Kirie 

You're weird, but I accept you friend.

I met you in class one day friend.
You were loud, I was quiet.
You were intimidating and I was just there...
We had a class together the next year friend.
I grew out of my awkward quiet shell, you grew out of your loudness, kinda.
Somehow we became friends.
Best friends.
Our weirdness was like a magnet. We laughed until our bellies hurt, and had deep discussions when we needed to.
Sleepovers- "Shhhhhh, or the lady will get you!"
Inside jokes, like that, make no sense even to us. Our friendship is filled with laughter, every time we are together we laugh about air.
I guess you can say we are our own kind of mature.
 But now we have to start following after society's definition of maturity.
Get jobs, prepare for college, decide what you want out of life, and whatever else hell has to offer.
Our lives are leading in different directions, and is hard for us both to swallow.
 Its not the end of the world though.
I am appreciating the time I have right now keeping busy.
I miss you though.
I'll see you soon friend.

Fear

I have a lot of fear in my system.

Fear: A substantial amount of scared. 

I wake up scared, take showers scared, blow dry my hair scared, I walk into my pitch black garage scared shitless. I walk in the hallway scared, sit down in class scared, drive scared, eat dinner scared, go to sleep...still scared. 

I welcome fear into my life like it has its own key, to my mind.

Its the annoying neighbors annoying dog, with the annoying bark. 

I fear natural disasters

I fear feeling vulnerable 

I fear bad guys

I fear losing my dad

I fear illness                                      

I fear the unknown.

I fear white.

I fear black.

I fear bad days

The hell with being afraid. 

You make me smile

I adore you.
I adore the way you look at me while driving
the way you never fail to ask me how my day is.
You are the definition of a beautiful person.
A character stronger than anyone I know.
I look up to you.
I look up to the fact that you work so hard, and stay so calm.
I love our shopping days, and how we shop at the same stores.
The way we bicker about what we want to eat, but always end up going to the same place we went to 3 days before.
The way you speak is so perfect. Your voice, and vocabulary is music to my ears.
Your music in variation.
How we are singing along to a song, then you all of a sudden change it to the next one.
The way your hair curls, and how you look when you smile. My lord I love that smile.
Thank you for being the one to sit there and listen to me while I rant over how stressed I am.
I love the days when we are both happy, until we both get hungry.
You are just so cute.
You make me smile.
<3

Bricks

Its dark out. 
You are laying in the park, with nothing but forgetful dreams and black tears. 
You are cold and alone, counting the endless stars.
Wishing you could be up there instead of down below. 
You feel a weight added upon your chest.
A weight that is never ending.
A ten ton brick, a brick called sadness.
It adds and then multiplies, everything building up inside.  
Cringing, and struggling, you want to stand.
Get the damn brick off of you.
Why don't you?

                                                                                                                       Because you are stubborn.

You are frightened.

You want to feel, but sadness is all you know.

Once you realize those bricks that have held you down for so long, are light as a feather

Feathers called happiness.

You will be laying in the park, with nothing but dreams and tears of joy.

Wishing you can take back all those wishes.

Once you realize the positive in yourself, those bricks can no longer hurt you. 

After all...

They don't say "you are strong" for nothing.